‘Obligers’: Lend me your ear… A sort-of New Year Resolution post

Around December or January I usually write a post that’s a bit New Years resolution-y. Not because I necessarily plan to, but because, along with nearly everyone else in the population, it’s that time of year when I’m reflecting on life more than usual (which is saying something, because I’m constantly over-thinking anyway!). The New Year, and my birthday, are particularly angsty times. A year ago, I was angsting about being an obliger. Two years ago, I was angsting about how my resolution to reduce my social media use the year prior to that had been unsuccessful, and I just regurgitated the same resolution. In fact, still constantly working on that one…

Someone recently asked me if I had any resolutions for this year, and I was like, ‘Nah… Not really. There’s things I want to change this year but no particular resolutions.’ Thinking about it later, I realised that I actually do – they just snuck up on me in such an unusually ‘resolved’ way, I hadn’t quite noticed.

In 2017, I allowed my self-worth to get so low, I spent much of the year feeling like a Complete Failure in Life. I lost my sense of purpose and direction, my passion and drive, and I became resigned to being a disappointment to myself. From my backseat, I observed, with depressive mild interest, how other people seemed to be able to Achieve Things in Life. Not helped by recurring sickness, I basically wallowed in various states of (functional) despair, feeling confused and guilty about why I was experiencing this, given I have such a lucky and lovely life. Continue reading →

How do you develop habits? Plus, a Summer Mango, Maca, Macadamia Smoothie

I quite like personality quizzes. I’m curious about people, so I’m drawn to anything that helps me to understand my own and others’ behaviours. Sometimes, this can see me digress into doing useless quizzes like; ‘Which Harry Potter Character would you be?’ or ‘How long would you survive on Game of Thrones?’ (Not long. I’m not ruthless enough.)

A while back, a friend sent me this quiz, about the four tendencies of developing habits. I also recently listened to Brooke McAlary’s podcast with Gretchen Rubin, who designed the quiz. Unlike the Buzzfeed quizzes, this one is truly interesting – it helped me to understand why I’ve been successful at forming some habits but not others – and that this is inherently related to how I went about establishing those habits, rather than the habit itself. I came out as an Obliger, which essentially means I meet outer expectations and resist inner expectations, explaining why I’ve always been so terribly bad at exercising, unless I’m accountable to or doing it with someone else. Additionally, I also have rebel responses to this – periods of time when I become resentful and burnt out, and then stop ‘obliging’ altogether. Continue reading →